There are many myths about life coaching - no doubt a result of the rapid growth and lack of regulation in the industry worldwide. While I can't speak for other life coaches, I like to help people understand what I do, and how I do it. I've noticed that people often think that Life Coaching is about helping people set goals, and create a plan to get their goals, and then holding them accountable to their weekly action plan, with the emphasis of the ongoing relationship being on "accountability conversations", which go something like:
Coach:
"Did you do your agreed tasks for this week?"Coachee:
"Well... sort of... I mean I started to do it, but we had a crisis I had to sort out instead."Coach:
"Remember that success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration! You've gotta be committed! Winners never quit and quitters never win! (or some other proverbs and quotes aimed to inspire motivation, delivered with zest and enthusiasm, and sealed with a growl and a high five)
I'm just not into that. I don't like the idea of
striving towards goals. I get that sometimes having someone to have regular conversations with, about your goals, can be a very useful way to keep yourself focused on the action you've committed yourself to, as part of your goal plan. And if that's all you need, then
here's a fantastic way to hassle yourself into remembering your commitments (let me know when they start nagyourhusband.co.uk!) My experience is that the reasons we lose momentum and motivation, and don't follow through on our action plans have less to do with poor memory, and more to do with inner conflicts about what's important to us (and why it's important to us), and limiting beliefs about what's possible for us and what we deserve - and that's where I love to help people do their change work!
If you're not being successful in being the person you want to be, it's probably because of one of two reasons:
1.) You haven't really decided what/ who you REALLY want to be. Perhaps you've spent alot of time paying attention to what other people want from you, and adapting accordingly, and find that, in the absence of other people's demands, you feel a bit lost and aren't sure what to do. So you stay stuck in reactive mode, doing only what's demanded of you and never getting to the more proactive tasks. Perhaps you have a strong sense of what you
should do (with lots of rational explanations why that's a great idea), but the things you think you
should do don't thrill you, and you're a bit anxious about finding out what would genuinely thrill you.
2.) You're in your own way. Maybe you know what you want, but you're terrified of making it happen (or trying to make it happen and failing). The fear is just too big, and the obstacles you'll have to overcome seem greater than the rewards of having what you want. Every step you try to take is paralysed by fear. Or deep-down, you think you can't do it, or that you don't deserve to have the life you really want.
All of the self-coaching tools I share are designed to help you with these two things: getting clear on what you want, and getting out of your own way. And my ultimate interest is in teaching you how to coach yourself, and how to
thrive towards your goals - and that means getting there without inner turmoil, self-flagellation, guilt and frustration.
- especially how it relates to the way we "create" pain and stress as a result of stories we tell ourselves - re-playing painful past memories and visualising future fears and worries. When we come into "the now", and focus purely on "what is", right in this moment, and ask ourselves if we have any problem, the answer is most often no - there is no problem right now.
