Reclaim Your Dreams (Before the Price Goes Up!)

Just a quick note:

Fellow Contrarian blogger and regular writer for the well-known Zen Habits blog, Jonathan Mead, from Illuminated Mind, is selling his ebook, Reclaim Your Dreams, at the special launch price for only a few more days. As of 31 Jan, the price will be what you'd normally pay for an ebook - 40% more. So if you're keen to get it, get it now quickly before the price goes up! Check it out here.

It's a great little book, with some very inspiring ideas and, as a blogger, he's got a nice, straightforward style of writing. I particularly like the threads of Jonathan's "uncommon wisdom" that run through the book, where he brings in ideas that typically spring from Eastern philosophies, rather than popular Western self-help traditions. While you're there, check out Jonathan's blog and subscribe to his RSS - there's loads of value in there, and you don't have to pay a thing for it, and he's hatching plenty more cool stuff that you'll want to be first to know about.

Focus Series: How to Use Your Manifestation System to Get the Life You Want

You already know how to create the results you want. You’re creating results all the time. You have a powerful manifestation system that’s creating the life you currently have, and that system works perfectly well... to create the life you currently have. You’re extremely powerful. Every thought you have sets off a chain of reactions, starting within you, and extending out into the physical world through your behaviour, impacting on relationships and circumstances around you, to create the results you currently have. If you aren’t entirely thrilled with the results you’re getting, here’s how you use your powerful manifestation system to change your results.

How we create our results: The MANIFESTATION SYSTEM:
Alot of people are familiar with "the Law of Attraction" and the idea that our thoughts create our reality, but there's a wide variety of opinions about HOW this happens. If you feel like the Law of Attraction is over-simplified, pseudo-scientific bumpf, sugar-coated and wrapped in American kitch, then I invite you to consider this alternative model, which is based on the theories of Daniel Goleman. In our daily lives, we have a constant stream of information (reality) coming at us. We can’t pay attention to all of it all of the time (at least not consciously) - it’s just too much. So we filter reality and we only pay conscious attention to some of it, and ignore the rest. We then tell ourselves a story about what reality means, in order to understand it, and so that we can start creating an appropriate response. The story we tell ourselves about reality causes a physiological and emotional reaction inside of us, which then informs our behavioural response. Of course, our behavioural response is what creates our results, and our results provide the fodder for our future reality... and the cycle continues. This is how you created your current results.



There are two ways that we can run our manifestation system: Default Mode or Active Mode.

1. Default Mode: Your mind can’t NOT process and respond. It’s running the manifestation system all the time. The manifestation system is most efficient - and therefore most powerful, when running on Default Mode, and most of our results are created through the Default Mode Manifestation Strategy. We’d be terribly slow mentally and physically, if this wasn’t the case - which would be very dangerous, from a survival point of view. The Default Mode is more efficient because we’re not stopping to consider our options and the implications of those options when we’re filtering and making meaning of reality. While this allows us to respond more quickly, it also increases the risk that we’ll get some “bugs” and inaccuracies in the information we put into the manifestation system, and that could prevent us from getting the results we want. If you’re not feeling powerful, and you’re not getting the results you want, and you feel like your life is running you, then you’re running your manifestation system on Default Mode and have some bugs in the system. In order to de-bug and re-program your manifestation system so that you bring different results into your life, you need to switch your manifestation system from Default to Active Mode.

2. Active Mode: When you’re running the manifestation system on Active Mode, you stop and decide what outcome you want, so that you give your mind clear, consistent instructions to pay attention to the parts of reality that will support you getting the results you want, rather than having your attention grabbed by the familiar and scary parts of reality. When you’re running on Active Mode, you’re aware of the stories you’re using to give meaning to reality, and choosing stories that support you to create the feelings and behaviour that will get you the results that you ultimately want.

The manifestation system ALWAYS works, but your results depend on the parts of reality you pay attention to and the stories you tell yourself about reality. If you’re not entirely happy with the life you’ve created for yourself thus far, here’s how you can use the manifestation system to change your results:

• Ask yourself, “What results do I want?”
• Ask yourself, “What results am I currently getting?” Go to the Manifestation System flow-chart and write those results next to “Filtered reality”, at the top of the flow-chart.
• Now ask yourself, “How to I feel about those results?” And write those feelings next to “Physiological and emotional reaction” on the flow-chart.
• Now ask yourself, “What stories am I telling myself (about my results), that cause me to feel that way?” Write those stories next to “Story about the meaning of reality” on the flow-chart.
• Next, ask yourself, “How do I behave when I feel that way?” Write that down next to “Behavioural response” on the flow-chart.
• Finally, ask yourself, “When I behave that way, what results do I get? How do other people respond to me? How does that affect our relationship, and the potential future results in this relationship?” Write these answers next to “Results” on the flow-chart.

At this point, you’ll probably notice a strong correlation between your last answer that you wrote next to “Results” and your first answer, which you wrote next to “Filtered reality,” Your reaction to your results is keeping you in a cycle, where you’re re-creating the results you don’t want. Changing your results is all about noticing how you’re thinking: changing what you’re focusing on and what meaning you’re making of that.

Now that you’ve switched your manifestation system to Active Mode, you can change what you’re focusing on, by asking yourself, “Are there any results that I want, that I’m already getting, which I hadn’t noticed until now?” Then ask yourself, “What would I need to tell myself about my current results, to generate the feelings and behaviour that would support me getting more of the results I want?” Then, to start to become familiar with your new stories, ask yourself, “What evidence am I already noticing that tells me that these stories are true?” Look for at least 3 pieces of evidence. Then post your new stories somewhere where you’ll see them and be reminded of them. Some people like to get into a habit of reading their new stories at the beginning and end of each day. Finally, come up with 3 behaviours that somebody believing your new stories would be likely to use, and commit to practicing those 3 behaviours over the next few weeks.

Once you’ve “de-bugged” and “re-programmed” your manifestation system, you’ll probably find that you need to run the manifestation system on Active Mode, stopping to consciously choose useful stories, to make that way of thinking familiar. Once it’s familiar, your new stories will become your Default Mode, and you’ll not only get the results you want, but you’ll get them more efficiently.

Your Unique Voice... Hallelujah!

Michael and I had had 6 sessions together and he was still stuck. Michael was the typical Renaissance Professional - talented at a multitude of different skills, deeply curious about a variety of different fields, a quick learner, and exploding with ideas of new ventures to pursue. Loads of great ideas, quick learner, multi-talented... surely it’s the perfect formula for success? So why was Michael still stuck?

Michael was suffering from a bad case of RESISTANCE. Resistance is the silent killer, stealing more dreams and leading to more un-lived lives every year than heart disease and cancer put together, and made so much more powerful by the fact that so few people know how to recognize it. Resistance comes in many strains, but here are a few of the common symptoms that’ll let you know may have it:

• low energy, fatigue and increased desire to sleep during the day
• restlessness, boredom and fidgeting
• an increased fascination with detail and a strong desire to clean, organize, and alphabetize everything in your workspace
• a major drop in productivity
• poor concentration, easily distracted
• a sudden breadth and depth of imagination for catastrophe
• a mild to major paranoia about what other people think and a sense that the world may be conspiring against you
• increased sensitivity to the personality and behavioural flaws of those closest to you
• a flush of creativity and skill in the art of criticism and “soap box” oration on topics of a purely philosophical and irrelevant or non-practical nature
• increased desire for activities that provide immediate self-gratification: alcohol, shopping, TV, masturbation, and food containing fat, sugar, salt or chocolate
• increased participation in gossip and a penchant for drawing attention to yourself, getting yourself into trouble and creating life drama

In severe cases:

• the development of full-blown ADD
• clinical depression
• panic attacks
• the breakdown of significant relationships
• the development or recurrence of addictions to illegal, mood-inducing substances
• engagement in verbal aggression, violence, crime or self-destruction

But don’t worry if you got top scores on this test - just like heart disease and cancer, resistance is a disease of lifestyle, and entirely preventable and, in many cases it’s curable too. The key is to know what lifestyle habits put you at risk and to make better lifestyle choices. Here are some of the high risk lifestyle habits that Resistance Expert, Steven Pressfield, says could cause you to join the millions who suffer the agony of resistance:

• the pursuit of creative activities such as writing and art-making
• the launching of entrepreneurial ventures
• dieting and following health regimes
• participating in any program of spiritual advancement or personal development
• any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals
• any course designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction
• education of every kind
• any act of political, moral, or ethical courage
• the undertaking of any endeavor to help others
• any act that entails a commitment of the heart (like a decision to get married, have a child, weather a rocky patch in a relationship)
• the taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity

Oh, dear... if you’re anything like me, Michael or the people I typically work with, you’re probably off-the-scale high risk. And the worst part is, you’re about as likely to change your lifestyle choices as Homer Simpson is to quit beer and do-nuts. Because you’re wired for doing the very things that elicit resistance. Even if you wanted to fall back on the mold, and live a conventional life, you wouldn’t know how. You’re just not good at that. You feel compelled to question and to push the boundaries, to take up challenges and to create. It’s like you don’t have a choice. So if we can’t prevent it, we’ll beat it some other way. So let’s take heart in Pressfield’s encouragement: “Overcoming resistance is like giving birth. It seems absolutely impossible until you remember that women have been pulling it off successfully, with support and without, for fifty million years.”

So here’s what Michael and I did, after diagnosing a chronic case of resistance. Resistance is a dis-ease that’s triggered by the body. The body reacts to any major change by creating resistance, because, from a survival point of view, major change (in body temperature or blood pressure, for example) could be fatal to the body. But the actual embryos of resistance manifest in the mind - and we can find them and pluck them out one at a time, to ease our path forward.

At the core of Michael’s resistance was the thought that he needed to come up with something truly unique and original, for it to be a worthy pursuit that the world would welcome and people would be willing to throw their money at. The problem was that, for every idea he came up with, he found that there was already somebody else doing “his idea” or something similar to it. And then he’d tell himself that his idea is already being done, the market is probably already taken, and the world doesn’t need another one of those. Of course, you’ve probably already started to notice a couple of holes in that argument - the gaps in the rationalization behind our resistance are always easier for other people to spot!

By identifying the core rationalization behind his resistance, Michael was able to turn his finely tuned skills of criticism on his own thoughts, and soon enough was able to see them for the lies they were, opening his eyes to the paradigm shift that made all the difference. Michael realized that the fact that somebody else was doing “his idea” was a useful indication that there IS a market for that service, and he came to appreciate that there are, in fact, very few truly original ideas behind the successful ventures being launched all over the world each day. Instead, successful people recognize that creativity is often more about bringing already existing ideas together in a new way, with a new voice - and there’s alot of room for that.

This Christmas season reminded me of Michael and the particular brand of resistance that he had struggled with. I'm sure you've all become familiar with the two versions of the "Hallelujah" song that made the top 2 chart spots, and being played everywhere this Christmas. The same song, sung by two different people, made it to number one and number two on the charts. And it wasn't their original idea - Leonard Cohen wrote it 20yrs ago. For me this is clear evidence that you don’t have to have an entirely new idea to be successful with your venture, and that there’s enough room for us all to be appreciated for our unique “voice.” So how will you be expressing your unique voice and what high risk lifestyle plans have you got lined up for this year?

‘Cos you know what’s great about resistance? Resistance is the clearest indication that you’re growing. So when you feel the symptoms of resistance coming on, just pause and smile to yourself, knowing that it’s a sign that you’re already making progress.

Hassle-free Life Coaching

There are many myths about life coaching - no doubt a result of the rapid growth and lack of regulation in the industry worldwide. While I can't speak for other life coaches, I like to help people understand what I do, and how I do it. I've noticed that people often think that Life Coaching is about helping people set goals, and create a plan to get their goals, and then holding them accountable to their weekly action plan, with the emphasis of the ongoing relationship being on "accountability conversations", which go something like:

Coach: "Did you do your agreed tasks for this week?"
Coachee: "Well... sort of... I mean I started to do it, but we had a crisis I had to sort out instead."
Coach: "Remember that success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration! You've gotta be committed! Winners never quit and quitters never win! (or some other proverbs and quotes aimed to inspire motivation, delivered with zest and enthusiasm, and sealed with a growl and a high five)

I'm just not into that. I don't like the idea of striving towards goals. I get that sometimes having someone to have regular conversations with, about your goals, can be a very useful way to keep yourself focused on the action you've committed yourself to, as part of your goal plan. And if that's all you need, then here's a fantastic way to hassle yourself into remembering your commitments (let me know when they start nagyourhusband.co.uk!) My experience is that the reasons we lose momentum and motivation, and don't follow through on our action plans have less to do with poor memory, and more to do with inner conflicts about what's important to us (and why it's important to us), and limiting beliefs about what's possible for us and what we deserve - and that's where I love to help people do their change work!

If you're not being successful in being the person you want to be, it's probably because of one of two reasons:
1.) You haven't really decided what/ who you REALLY want to be. Perhaps you've spent alot of time paying attention to what other people want from you, and adapting accordingly, and find that, in the absence of other people's demands, you feel a bit lost and aren't sure what to do. So you stay stuck in reactive mode, doing only what's demanded of you and never getting to the more proactive tasks. Perhaps you have a strong sense of what you should do (with lots of rational explanations why that's a great idea), but the things you think you should do don't thrill you, and you're a bit anxious about finding out what would genuinely thrill you.
2.) You're in your own way. Maybe you know what you want, but you're terrified of making it happen (or trying to make it happen and failing). The fear is just too big, and the obstacles you'll have to overcome seem greater than the rewards of having what you want. Every step you try to take is paralysed by fear. Or deep-down, you think you can't do it, or that you don't deserve to have the life you really want.

All of the self-coaching tools I share are designed to help you with these two things: getting clear on what you want, and getting out of your own way. And my ultimate interest is in teaching you how to coach yourself, and how to thrive towards your goals - and that means getting there without inner turmoil, self-flagellation, guilt and frustration.