Your Unique Voice... Hallelujah!

Michael and I had had 6 sessions together and he was still stuck. Michael was the typical Renaissance Professional - talented at a multitude of different skills, deeply curious about a variety of different fields, a quick learner, and exploding with ideas of new ventures to pursue. Loads of great ideas, quick learner, multi-talented... surely it’s the perfect formula for success? So why was Michael still stuck?

Michael was suffering from a bad case of RESISTANCE. Resistance is the silent killer, stealing more dreams and leading to more un-lived lives every year than heart disease and cancer put together, and made so much more powerful by the fact that so few people know how to recognize it. Resistance comes in many strains, but here are a few of the common symptoms that’ll let you know may have it:

• low energy, fatigue and increased desire to sleep during the day
• restlessness, boredom and fidgeting
• an increased fascination with detail and a strong desire to clean, organize, and alphabetize everything in your workspace
• a major drop in productivity
• poor concentration, easily distracted
• a sudden breadth and depth of imagination for catastrophe
• a mild to major paranoia about what other people think and a sense that the world may be conspiring against you
• increased sensitivity to the personality and behavioural flaws of those closest to you
• a flush of creativity and skill in the art of criticism and “soap box” oration on topics of a purely philosophical and irrelevant or non-practical nature
• increased desire for activities that provide immediate self-gratification: alcohol, shopping, TV, masturbation, and food containing fat, sugar, salt or chocolate
• increased participation in gossip and a penchant for drawing attention to yourself, getting yourself into trouble and creating life drama

In severe cases:

• the development of full-blown ADD
• clinical depression
• panic attacks
• the breakdown of significant relationships
• the development or recurrence of addictions to illegal, mood-inducing substances
• engagement in verbal aggression, violence, crime or self-destruction

But don’t worry if you got top scores on this test - just like heart disease and cancer, resistance is a disease of lifestyle, and entirely preventable and, in many cases it’s curable too. The key is to know what lifestyle habits put you at risk and to make better lifestyle choices. Here are some of the high risk lifestyle habits that Resistance Expert, Steven Pressfield, says could cause you to join the millions who suffer the agony of resistance:

• the pursuit of creative activities such as writing and art-making
• the launching of entrepreneurial ventures
• dieting and following health regimes
• participating in any program of spiritual advancement or personal development
• any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals
• any course designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction
• education of every kind
• any act of political, moral, or ethical courage
• the undertaking of any endeavor to help others
• any act that entails a commitment of the heart (like a decision to get married, have a child, weather a rocky patch in a relationship)
• the taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity

Oh, dear... if you’re anything like me, Michael or the people I typically work with, you’re probably off-the-scale high risk. And the worst part is, you’re about as likely to change your lifestyle choices as Homer Simpson is to quit beer and do-nuts. Because you’re wired for doing the very things that elicit resistance. Even if you wanted to fall back on the mold, and live a conventional life, you wouldn’t know how. You’re just not good at that. You feel compelled to question and to push the boundaries, to take up challenges and to create. It’s like you don’t have a choice. So if we can’t prevent it, we’ll beat it some other way. So let’s take heart in Pressfield’s encouragement: “Overcoming resistance is like giving birth. It seems absolutely impossible until you remember that women have been pulling it off successfully, with support and without, for fifty million years.”

So here’s what Michael and I did, after diagnosing a chronic case of resistance. Resistance is a dis-ease that’s triggered by the body. The body reacts to any major change by creating resistance, because, from a survival point of view, major change (in body temperature or blood pressure, for example) could be fatal to the body. But the actual embryos of resistance manifest in the mind - and we can find them and pluck them out one at a time, to ease our path forward.

At the core of Michael’s resistance was the thought that he needed to come up with something truly unique and original, for it to be a worthy pursuit that the world would welcome and people would be willing to throw their money at. The problem was that, for every idea he came up with, he found that there was already somebody else doing “his idea” or something similar to it. And then he’d tell himself that his idea is already being done, the market is probably already taken, and the world doesn’t need another one of those. Of course, you’ve probably already started to notice a couple of holes in that argument - the gaps in the rationalization behind our resistance are always easier for other people to spot!

By identifying the core rationalization behind his resistance, Michael was able to turn his finely tuned skills of criticism on his own thoughts, and soon enough was able to see them for the lies they were, opening his eyes to the paradigm shift that made all the difference. Michael realized that the fact that somebody else was doing “his idea” was a useful indication that there IS a market for that service, and he came to appreciate that there are, in fact, very few truly original ideas behind the successful ventures being launched all over the world each day. Instead, successful people recognize that creativity is often more about bringing already existing ideas together in a new way, with a new voice - and there’s alot of room for that.

This Christmas season reminded me of Michael and the particular brand of resistance that he had struggled with. I'm sure you've all become familiar with the two versions of the "Hallelujah" song that made the top 2 chart spots, and being played everywhere this Christmas. The same song, sung by two different people, made it to number one and number two on the charts. And it wasn't their original idea - Leonard Cohen wrote it 20yrs ago. For me this is clear evidence that you don’t have to have an entirely new idea to be successful with your venture, and that there’s enough room for us all to be appreciated for our unique “voice.” So how will you be expressing your unique voice and what high risk lifestyle plans have you got lined up for this year?

‘Cos you know what’s great about resistance? Resistance is the clearest indication that you’re growing. So when you feel the symptoms of resistance coming on, just pause and smile to yourself, knowing that it’s a sign that you’re already making progress.

Make 2009 your Best Year Yet!

I'm hatching plans to broaden my offerings in 2009, and I want to make sure I put out programs and inspiration that will support you to overcome the challenges you've been dealing with, and make the sort of difference that counts to you. Click here to take 3 minutes to complete this confidential survey and let me know what's important to you.

SA Doctor Inoculates Herself from Stress

I have the best job in the world. I get to meet amazing people who share their life stories and a wide variety of fascinating current challenges with me, and I get to walk alongside them for a short while - thinking and learning with them, together cracking open new ways of thinking and being and, best of all, celebrating the results of their personal and professional evolutions and revolutions. Since other people’s heroic stories have so enriched my life and my faith in what’s possible for us all, I figure these stories should be shared.

Like most of the people I work with, Aina Ayodele considers her work to be a central part of her life purpose and it’s always been important to her that her work is both successful and significant. As a medical doctor responsible for running a primary health clinic in one of the most under-resourced areas in Cape Town - an area rife with social and health problems (TIK abuse, HIV/AIDS, TB, violence, just to name a few), Aina has a strong sense of the significance of her work. But in an under-resourced and over-burdened system, in an impoverished and trauma-ridden community, “success” often feels impossible.

The hero’s saga is a standard theme in any popular book or movie, and there’s a reason for that... the hero’s saga is universal. We all identify with the story of having a big dream, setting out into the world confident in our dream, having prepared for all sorts of obstacles and challenges, and getting smacked to the ground by some proverbial dragon just as we step out the door. Unfortunately, that’s where so many real life stories end, and the reason why so many people shelve their dreams and settle for mediocrity. It’s also the reason why we’re all so inspired by stories of people who got up again... and again, and again, and eventually achieved their big dream. Aina’s story is a real life hero’s saga of someone who got smacked down and got up again.

The Ravensmead Community Health Clinic had been running without a Principal Medical Officer for over 5 years when Aina was appointed in April 2008. During that time, the clinic had atrophied from 24 to only 15 members of staff, who were functioning haphazardly with no systems in place. There was no triage system for identifying emergency cases and responding to critical priority patients first, there were no systems to facilitate continuity of care, and patients were sent to and fro between health professionals without effective record-keeping, resulting in duplication, wasting of resources and high rates of misdiagnosis, morbidity and mortality. In spite of the very high levels of HIV in the area, there were no daily HIV counseling and testing services at the clinic and they frequently turned away 75 or more patients a day, because they didn’t have the capacity to help them.

Having worked as a doctor in SA for 11 years, Aina was no stranger to the challenges of the SA health system, and she knew that the significance of their work depended on the success of their work. They could only make a significant difference if they began to work more effectively. Aina’s vision was big and she pushed herself out the door by letting her imagination loose on her dream and creating a really clear picture of her promised land: “an adequate, effective, and comprehensive health care service that is sensitive to the community’s needs and promotes service excellence that reflects the meaning of my name.” Ayodele means “joy arrives home” and Ayodele wanted her patients to feel as comfortable as if they were in their own home, and joyful, as a result of the excellent service and improved health they experience through the Ravensmead clinic service.

The most useful model for understanding and overcoming stress that I’ve come across is based on the idea that stress happens when the perceived threats are greater than the perceived resources and the perceived rewards. When we take up a challenge, no matter how great the perceived threats are, so long as we think our resources for dealing with those threats are greater, and perceive that the ultimate rewards of overcoming those threats are greater, we’re immunized against stress. This is because when the scales are stacked this way, the stories we tell ourselves go something like this: “This is hard, but it’s all going to work out in the end,” and we continue to let our imagination play with the potential positive future scenarios.

As soon as the scales tip and we think that the threats are greater than our resources, we start to tell ourselves a story along the lines of, “things aren’t going to turn out well” and our imagination runs riot, producing multiple worst-case scenarios, and before we know it, we’re having difficulty sleeping or eating, we’re feeling ratty and snapping at people, we’re making silly mistakes, losing or gaining weight, feeling tearful, and developing aches, pains and illnesses. The wort part is that stress creates a negative self-reinforcing cycle: when our stress response is triggered, our neurology changes so that we use more blinkered vision and thinking and we focus more on threats. This is useful for our survival: if you’re being chased by a lion, it’s better to focus on just the lion, and not be distracted by the beautiful sunset on the horizon. But what we focus on grows, and when we focus more on the threats, we start to delete the resources and rewards from our awareness. And this creates further stress, because our perception of the threats becomes even greater than our perception of our resources and rewards. To top it all off, stress often gets us stuck in the problem, because it’s much harder to think creatively and generate possible solutions when we’re using blinkered thinking and focusing on the threats instead of the resources.

And this is what happened to Aina. In spite of all her careful thought and hard work, the obstacles seemed to grow, and resistance from already burned-out staff was high, until a huge challenge that Aina had never anticipated knocked her to the ground. During a national spate of violent xenophobic attacks, Aina, who was born in Nigeria but is now a South African citizen, was threatened and intimidated by some of her staff and community. Aina and I started working together shortly after this traumatic incident, when she was suffering typical symptoms of stress, burnout and depression. Usually cheerful, friendly and outgoing, she had become socially withdrawn, tearful and unable to eat or sleep. She was ready to give up her faith in her vision for success and significance and was considering resigning and retiring from medicine altogether... because the perceived threats seemed so much greater than her perceived resources and the perceived rewards.

Over a series of 6 weeks, Aina processed the trauma of the event, dissolved many of her fears, restored her faith in her vision, got her health and vitality back, and put her whole self back into making her vision a reality at the Ravensmead clinic. How did she do it? It all comes down to one key word in the model of stress: PERCEPTION. Stress happens when the PERCEIVED obstacles/ threats are greater than the PERCEIVED resources and rewards. While our circumstances provide the triggers for stress, it’s our PERCEPTION and the stories we tell ourselves about those circumstances that create stress feelings and symptoms. While we can’t control everything in our circumstances (in fact trying to control everything in our circumstances is a recipe for stress!), we can always change our perception and the story we’re telling ourselves.

As a result of her new-found ability to inoculate her mind against stress, some of the successes Aina and her team have already notched up include:

• The establishment of an effective triage system where emergencies are prioritised
• Aligning the clinic services with provincial priorities (HIV/AIDS, TB, STDs)
• Increased human resources and improved equipment
• The appointment of a school nurse to address TIK concerns in the community
• Involvement of the clinic staff in a training program at the clinic
• Health education programs for patients with chronic illnesses
• An increase in TB detection
• A significant decrease in morbidity and mortality.

In November this year, Aina and her team ran the clinic’s first ever community education and outreach program, with great success. The theme was “Taking Charge of Hypertension - a Disease of Lifestyle” and made such an impact that people are still talking about it. Aina and her team are receiving much-deserved letters of congratulations and acknowledgment from senior officials in the Health Department. But even more important to Aina are the letters and words of gratitude she’s been receiving from community members, thanking them for the changes they’ve made in the past 5 months and pleading Aina to never leave the community clinic. In spite of all the odds, Aina is living up to her name and creating a place of “joy arriving home” for the community they serve.

Aina’s words of wisdom for us all? Aina says that the people in your life and your faith are vital sources of support in overcoming major obstacles - “whatever I am today, I owe to God and my parents, as well as the support of my friend, Louise Appolis.” She adds: “Be positive, stay strong. The road to success isn’t smooth, but if you endure, you’ll overcome. Tough challenges are there to make us stronger.” And as someone who’s name (Aina) means “child born with an umbilical cord around her neck”, it seems another part of her life purpose is revealed - to overcome major obstacles and constraints, and to inspire others to do them same. Aina, you’re an inspiration!

Had a tough year? Drop us a comment about your hero's saga and let us know how you got back up again...

Why less is more...

“If I didn’t care what people thought, I’d quit my job and open up a shoe shop” said Cindy, with a brief sparkle in her eyes that I hadn’t seen before. As an intelligent and hard-working young woman, Cindy swiftly made her way up the corporate ladder. She comes from a long line of successful and wealthy doctors, lawyers and businessmen, and her family are very proud of her recent promotion to join her company’s Board of Directors at the young age of 34. But she’s never been particularly passionate about her work, and since her recent promotion, she’s really struggling to motivate herself at work, suffering from daily migraines, and finding herself fantasizing about quitting, and starting her own business. “If I can just think of something more... you know, important, to do... then I think I’ll be able to go out on my own. I just think that owning a shoe shop would seem really superficial. And I really should be putting my engineering degree to use. I’m thinking of doing an MBA so I can learn about running a business, and hopefully by then I’ll have come up with a better business idea.”

And then there’s Sipho: “All this ‘change your beliefs and you’ll change your life’ stuff sounds great - if your biggest problem is that they’re trying to get the courage to leave their comfortable, lucrative corporate job and start their own business. But is it really relevant for real problems, like the problems we have in South Africa - unemployment, crime, poverty..?” Sipho was resistant, even angry, about my prosaic suggestions that just changing your thinking could change your life. And understandably so - Sipho grew up in Nyanga, brought up by his grandmother while his parents migrated to Joburg in search of work. In spite of the lack of parental support, lack of study facilities, and the burden of parenting his two younger siblings and caring for his gran, he pushed his way through an under-resourced school system, and managed to get a job as a tele-consultant in a large corporate, making him the highest paid earner in his family for 3 generations. At 23 years old, he aspires to becoming a successful businessman and leader, but he feels held back by his lack of tertiary education, the financial burden of supporting his extended family, and the belief that perhaps he’s reached the ceiling of what’s possible for someone coming from his background.

At first glance, Cindy and Sipho seem worlds apart. When you look at their life circumstances, they’re certainly being presented with very different challenges. but when you look a little closer, you’ll find that they’re both being held back by the very same thing - their thoughts. And they both think that gaining further knowledge is the only route to their dreams. What they don’t realise is that, while furthering their education might be one useful step towards making their dreams a reality, the most important step they’ll both need to take is to let go of what they “know” - their current beliefs about their own identity and what’s possible for themselves. Knowledge is gained when ideas are added. Enlightenment is gained when ideas are dissolved.

Angelina Nofolovhodwe is one such enlightened South African woman. At the age of 43, she was an uneducated and unemployed mother of 7 children, living in rural Limpopo. She was virtually destitute, recently separated from her husband, and relying on relatives to support her family. Since she had only attained a grade 6 education and been a housewife and mother her whole adult life, she had very few job prospects. To even the most optimistic observer, her external circumstances would have seemed pretty dire. If you had met Angelina at this time and you were asked to suggest a big, yet achievable goal for Angelina, what would you suggest? Most people tell me that, if Angelina could just believe in herself and have a big vision, she could hope to start an informal business - a spaza, a creche, a sewing or beading business, or a small catering business. Some people suggest she could even take night classes and further her education so she could hopefully get some form of semi-skilled employment that might enable her to earn up to R4 000 a month.

Well let me tell you where Angelina is today. The Independent (17 Feb 2007) wrote that Angelina is “well on her way to becoming South Africa’s first self-made woman mining magnate.” She has 13 prospecting licenses to her name, mining gold, manganese and coal. She has offices in Sandton and regularly travels the world to negotiate with investors. She made all of this a reality in only 7 years... and she did it without furthering her formal education.

Angelina didn’t change her life by gaining more knowledge, she changed her life by removing any thoughts that could have separated her from her destiny. There are a lot of very rational and believable thoughts that could have held Angelina back - I know nothing about mining, mining is for men, mothers shouldn’t work, you have to have a formal education to get into prospecting, educated people will think I’m crazy... and much, much more. And that’s what a lot of other people thought. Ross Rankopole, Deputy Director of Mining Licenses in Limpopo Province was quoted as saying, “I thought she was crazy. You must understand, we deal with geologists and engineers. Then suddenly, there comes a woman who can’t express herself properly, and tells us she’s going to own a mine because that’s what she’s been told in a dream.” If Angelina had been attached to these seemingly reasonable, rational thoughts objecting to her dream to mine gold, she’d still be destitute in rural Limpopo. In her latest book, Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck writes about the way we keep ourselves in “mental dungeons” by being attached to our thoughts and beliefs, and how this gets in the way of us living our true destiny. She says, “To say that you can “find” your destiny is misleading because it never goes anywhere... you don’t have to learn your destiny - you already know it; you just have to unlearn the thoughts that blind you from what you know.”

The fact that you’re reading this blog means you’re probably not sitting in a hut in rural Limpopo, with 7 hungry children to feed and no source of income. But if you’re feeling a bit stuck in your job or relationships, or just have a sense that you’re not living the life you want, you can be sure that you’ve got some limiting thoughts that need dissolving. So here’s an exercise to help you find and dissolve the thoughts that are blinding you from what you know:

1. Think of an area of your life where you feel stuck or unhappy.
2. Ask yourself, “Why am I in this job/ relationship/ home, etc. What will it get me? And what will that get me? And what will that get me?" (ask, “And what will that get me?” a few times until you feel you’re at the thing that’s most important to you. Hint: it’s always a feeling)
3. Ask yourself, “Why do I believe that the actions I’m taking are the best, or only, way to get what I want in life?” What do I think is blocking me from taking another route to getting what’s important to me?” For each thought that you write down, ask yourself, “Why?” four or five times, until you get to a core belief.

You should now have a list of thoughts or beliefs that are blinding you from knowing your destiny or preventing you from creating what you really want in your life. Read what you’ve written and choose one of the thoughts that you feel elicits a strong emotional reaction in you - one that really gets you in touch with fear, anxiety or pain. Now it’s time to do the dissolving. Byron Katie, Martha Beck and Jamie Smart offer some powerful questions for dissolving your mental dungeons:

1. Ask yourself, “Is this thought true? Are there any circumstances where this thought would be untrue? How would you know if it wasn’t true?”
2. Ask yourself, “How do I react when I think this thought? How do I think, feel and behave when I think this thought? How does that impact on my relationships and my results?”
3. Ask yourself, “Do I know anyone else who seems to tell themselves a different story and yet gets the results I’d love to get? Is there anyone I know who provides an example or evidence that’s contrary to my current thoughts?”
4. Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this thought? How would I think, feel and behave without this thought? How would that impact on my relationships and my results?”
5. Turn the thought around. The thought you’ve been having is just a story you’ve been telling yourself. What story would be more useful? Ask yourself, “What story, or set of thoughts, would support me in creating the reality I want?”

I’ve often been asked by friends and family, who know me well (and see me fumbling with my own life!) how I know what to advise my clients about their lives. Well they’re right to be anxious about me giving advice to my clients. Having never experienced what most of my clients have been through, I usually have no idea what to advise them - which is why I rarely give advice. The coaching I do is less about giving people answers and adding to their knowledge and more about helping them become enlightened by identifying and dissolving the thoughts that are blinding them from the answers that have always been in front of them.

Thank goodness, it's another obstacle!

You know, some days I just really feel like giving up. In fact (just between you and me), most days I feel like that, sometimes for just a moment, sometimes for much of the day. You know those times when the obstacles just seem so big and complex, and impossible to overcome. And you start to wonder why you chose to do something so difficult anyway. And it’s warm, safe and simple under your duvet and cold, unpredictable and nasty outside...

Yes, I know I’m not supposed to say that. Life coaches are supposed to have endless energy, enthusiasm, and optimism, and have permanently purged their vocabulary of words like, “can’t” and “quit.” Yeah right. That would be easy, if it weren’t for my curiosity about the things in life that are below the surface and often difficult to understand, or my appetite for big goals and pushing my own boundaries, or that compelling feeling of exhiliration that comes from finding out that you can do something you previously thought you could never do.

You see, just like with your work and personal goals, my goals would be really easy to achieve... if it weren’t for all the unpredictable obstacles that, frustratingly, keep cropping up. Wouldn’t it be nice if, for once, we could just go about creating what we want in our lives, without any interference or resistance - if all the difficult parts could be removed. I mean, imagine if it could be easy to run a marathon - no muscle cramping, no knee injuries, no blisters, no hills. Or if it could be really easy to get washboard abs without a tough exercise regime or a careful diet. Or if we could make our jobs easy by getting rid of all of the difficult and unpredictable things (like the prospects, the customers, our managers, our colleagues, our systems, our economy...) Wouldn’t your life be amazing then?

No, it wouldn’t be amazing at all. It would be just average. Because, if it was easy to run a marathon, everybody would. And if it could be easy to have washboard abs, then everybody would have washboard abs. And if there was a job that had no problems to solve, then anybody could do it. And if anybody could do it, then you’d be easily replaceable, and your skills, talents and abilities wouldn’t be recognised or valued highly. And that means that people won’t pay much for what you’re offering. The fact that your job or your personal goals are difficult and unpredictable works to your advantage. The greater the obstacles between you and the goals you’re going after, the more likely that other people pursuing those same goals will drop out, and the fewer competitors you’ll have. This gives you a greater chance of being the best at what you do. And those that are the best tend to enjoy significantly greater rewards for being at the top. As international marketing guru, Seth Godin says (in his book, “The Dip”), “Obstacles create scarcity and scarcity creates value.”

Ruben Gonzalez is a man who fully understood this principle. He’d always wanted to be an Olympic athlete. But he had a few significant obstacles in the way of his dream. For starters, he wasn’t a great athlete, and, at 21 years old, he hadn’t even chosen his sport yet. Not to be deterred, Gonzalez realised that, the tougher the sport, the fewer competitors he’d have, and the greater his chances of realising his Olympic dream. So Gonzalez researched the Olympic sports and chose the most grueling sport he could find, the sport with the greatest number of broken bones and the highest number of quitters. He settled on the luge - a winter sport that involves hurtling down an ice track on a sled, at 140km per hour. Just four years later, Gonzalez made it to the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics, and went on to become a “three-time Olympian”, competing in Albertville in 1992 and Salt Lake City in 2000.

So here’s some of the ideas I’ll be using to pull myself out from under the duvet and motivate myself to keep cracking on:

1. Ask yourself, “If this was easy, would I want it this much?” Part of the thrill of achieving big goals is in knowing that you faced and overcame hardships that most other people shy away from. The level of difficulty increases the level of fulfillment in achieving your goals. If you’re not that excited about your life and the things you’re investing time and energy in, perhaps it’s too easy. Set more challenging goals.

2. Increase your perceived value to others by setting stretch goals. If you’re doing what everyone else is doing, the way everyone else is doing it, then anybody can do it instead of you. Your manager, your customers, your friends, your lover will all value you more (and invest more time/ energy/ money to keep you around), if you’re offering something more remarkable than anybody else can offer them.

3. Hope for more and bigger obstacles. The next time you’re not sure how much longer you can go on, and you’re facing up to a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, remind yourself that your competitors are probably facing the same obstacles. The greater the obstacle, the more excited you should be. Because then the chances are greater that your competitors are dropping like flies... opening the way for you to get to the top, where the rewards are abundant.

What's your perspective on obstacles? What else do you do to sustain your energy, and to overcome obstacles?