Do you remember that time when, as a young child, you came across an abandoned baby animal, and brought it home, asking your parents, “Can I keep it?” It might have been a little baby mouse or a tiny stray kitten, or maybe it was a baby bird with a slightly broken wing. Whatever the little creature was, it was small and vulnerable and you decided immediately that you’d rescue it and devote yourself to feeding and nurturing it to full strength and maturity.
Mine was a little baby bird that was teetering around in our back garden one afternoon. We looked everywhere for the mother bird, or at least a nest, but we found no sign of it’s maternal protector. In spite of advice from the adults that the bird had a better chance of survival if we left him in the garden, we became absorbed with the little bird’s needs, from food to shelter, warmth and comfort. We brought him inside and made a little bed out of tissues and fed him pronutro cereal. It turns out that our parenting skills left a lot to be desired and I was devastated when we found the little guy on his back with his feet in the air a few days later.
The adults were right - we should have left him where we found him. What we didn’t understand at the time was that, unlike humans, many animals are born with something called instinct. Instinct is pre-programmed knowledge of essential things like what to eat and what not to eat, and how to find food, get warm, hide from predators, and run from smoke or fire. So there probably was a better chance our little bird would have survived if we’d left him out in the garden, because of instinct.
Humans aren’t born with this sort of instinct. We’re born totally dependent on the adults of our species for survival. We need the adults to tell us what we can and can’t put in our mouths and what is and isn’t safe to do. We need them to teach us not to touch hot things or stick our fingers in dangerous places or pull the grumpy cat’s fur. Think about it - for the first few years of our lives, our survival depends on the care and guidance of the adults of our species. We basically just observe intensely and soak up everything we see, hear and experience. We don’t really have the cognitive capacity, skills, experience or knowledge to challenge the ideas that are being modeled to us. Psychologists believe that it’s only around the age of 6 or 7 years that a child‘s ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality is fully developed. So, in our early years, we tend to take everything adults say literally, and often don’t realise that the well-meaning adults might be using metaphors or giving us a context-specific rule.We don’t realise that the adults themselves might sometimes be speaking from a place of ignorance, fear, anger or misperception, so we accept everything they say.
As a result, we often form limiting beliefs that endure as we mature into adulthood, and act as a lid on our potential. Because these beliefs were formed whilst we were still too young to know any better, and before we had developed all the knowledge and skills that we have now, they’re often based on faulty, inaccurate information or generalisations, yet they continue to have enormous power over the way we feel and behave. Think about the “catch phrases” you grew up on. You may have heard some of these, and more:
“Money doesn’t grow on trees”
“You’re the older brother, so you should know better and be more responsible”
“You can’t have everything you want”
“Don’t be selfish”
“After play-play comes cry-cry”
“You have to work hard for the good things in life”
“Big boys don’t cry...”
What impact have these sorts of phrases had on your current outlook on life, and what you believe is possible for yourself? If you want to clean out your limiting beliefs and lift the lid on your potential, here are a few steps to follow:
1. Start a dream list: Start keeping a list of things you’d love to be, have and do in your lifetime, if you had all the necessary money, time, skills and support.
2. Identify your limiting beliefs: As you write your dream list, become aware of your self-talk. If you notice anything along the lines of, “Yeah right, you’ll never be able to do that...” then write this down on another piece of paper titled “limiting beliefs.” Read through the list and just smile and say, “Isn’t that interesting?
3. Decide what you want to believe: Read through your dream list again and ask yourself, “What would I believe if all of these things became a reality?” Write down these beliefs.
4. Start thinking like you’ll think when you’ve achieved your goals: Your current thinking is what’s creating your current results. If you want to change your results, you’re going to have to change your thinking - especially your limiting beliefs. Your old, limiting beliefs were formed through repeated exposure to limiting ideas. If you want to add new beliefs, use the same method. Read your list of new beliefs everyday, until they become as natural and automatic as your old beliefs were.
As humans, we might not be born with the same type of survival instinct as animals are, but this doesn’t mean our minds are inferior. Animals’ minds are like calculators - they arrive in the world with a pre-programmed set of functions or thinking patterns, and they leave with the same. Our minds are like computers - we can upgrade the “software” and continuously improve our thinking and the results we create. When last did you upgrade your software?
Mine was a little baby bird that was teetering around in our back garden one afternoon. We looked everywhere for the mother bird, or at least a nest, but we found no sign of it’s maternal protector. In spite of advice from the adults that the bird had a better chance of survival if we left him in the garden, we became absorbed with the little bird’s needs, from food to shelter, warmth and comfort. We brought him inside and made a little bed out of tissues and fed him pronutro cereal. It turns out that our parenting skills left a lot to be desired and I was devastated when we found the little guy on his back with his feet in the air a few days later.
The adults were right - we should have left him where we found him. What we didn’t understand at the time was that, unlike humans, many animals are born with something called instinct. Instinct is pre-programmed knowledge of essential things like what to eat and what not to eat, and how to find food, get warm, hide from predators, and run from smoke or fire. So there probably was a better chance our little bird would have survived if we’d left him out in the garden, because of instinct.
Humans aren’t born with this sort of instinct. We’re born totally dependent on the adults of our species for survival. We need the adults to tell us what we can and can’t put in our mouths and what is and isn’t safe to do. We need them to teach us not to touch hot things or stick our fingers in dangerous places or pull the grumpy cat’s fur. Think about it - for the first few years of our lives, our survival depends on the care and guidance of the adults of our species. We basically just observe intensely and soak up everything we see, hear and experience. We don’t really have the cognitive capacity, skills, experience or knowledge to challenge the ideas that are being modeled to us. Psychologists believe that it’s only around the age of 6 or 7 years that a child‘s ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality is fully developed. So, in our early years, we tend to take everything adults say literally, and often don’t realise that the well-meaning adults might be using metaphors or giving us a context-specific rule.We don’t realise that the adults themselves might sometimes be speaking from a place of ignorance, fear, anger or misperception, so we accept everything they say.
As a result, we often form limiting beliefs that endure as we mature into adulthood, and act as a lid on our potential. Because these beliefs were formed whilst we were still too young to know any better, and before we had developed all the knowledge and skills that we have now, they’re often based on faulty, inaccurate information or generalisations, yet they continue to have enormous power over the way we feel and behave. Think about the “catch phrases” you grew up on. You may have heard some of these, and more:
“Money doesn’t grow on trees”
“You’re the older brother, so you should know better and be more responsible”
“You can’t have everything you want”
“Don’t be selfish”
“After play-play comes cry-cry”
“You have to work hard for the good things in life”
“Big boys don’t cry...”
What impact have these sorts of phrases had on your current outlook on life, and what you believe is possible for yourself? If you want to clean out your limiting beliefs and lift the lid on your potential, here are a few steps to follow:
1. Start a dream list: Start keeping a list of things you’d love to be, have and do in your lifetime, if you had all the necessary money, time, skills and support.
2. Identify your limiting beliefs: As you write your dream list, become aware of your self-talk. If you notice anything along the lines of, “Yeah right, you’ll never be able to do that...” then write this down on another piece of paper titled “limiting beliefs.” Read through the list and just smile and say, “Isn’t that interesting?
3. Decide what you want to believe: Read through your dream list again and ask yourself, “What would I believe if all of these things became a reality?” Write down these beliefs.
4. Start thinking like you’ll think when you’ve achieved your goals: Your current thinking is what’s creating your current results. If you want to change your results, you’re going to have to change your thinking - especially your limiting beliefs. Your old, limiting beliefs were formed through repeated exposure to limiting ideas. If you want to add new beliefs, use the same method. Read your list of new beliefs everyday, until they become as natural and automatic as your old beliefs were.
As humans, we might not be born with the same type of survival instinct as animals are, but this doesn’t mean our minds are inferior. Animals’ minds are like calculators - they arrive in the world with a pre-programmed set of functions or thinking patterns, and they leave with the same. Our minds are like computers - we can upgrade the “software” and continuously improve our thinking and the results we create. When last did you upgrade your software?
2 comments:
Very good post; and SO true.
When I was a teacher I used to notice a lot how many of the high achievers (especially in the creative field) were unhampered by the restraints of a specific faith system, and often (sad to say), at least one parent....
One can look through the high achievers in the arts (McCartney, Dylan, Lennon, Madonna, etc., etc.), and see time and again that these individuals could cultivate and nurish their talent in a less oppresive atmosphere. It's only a shame that either tradgedy or "poor family relationships", had to bring that about.
James Joyce, in "Portrait of the Artist", included a stunning passage about this when Stephen is on the beech and realises he is an artist/writer, and speaks of how he shall fly past the nets that Ireland casts to try and restrain his spirit.
I think our beliefs are probably the greatest factor that determines our level of success and happiness in life. I think there's a part of ourselves that wants to keep us honest, so it makes sure that our life turns out the way we BELIEVED it would. There's one belief that I've found to be more useful than any other belief I hold. It's the belief that I can choose my own beliefs - I don't have to keep using my old "pre-programmed" belief system. I can upload new, more useful beliefs any time I want. Now wouldn't it be great if they started teaching that in school!
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