Thank goodness, it's another obstacle!

You know, some days I just really feel like giving up. In fact (just between you and me), most days I feel like that, sometimes for just a moment, sometimes for much of the day. You know those times when the obstacles just seem so big and complex, and impossible to overcome. And you start to wonder why you chose to do something so difficult anyway. And it’s warm, safe and simple under your duvet and cold, unpredictable and nasty outside...

Yes, I know I’m not supposed to say that. Life coaches are supposed to have endless energy, enthusiasm, and optimism, and have permanently purged their vocabulary of words like, “can’t” and “quit.” Yeah right. That would be easy, if it weren’t for my curiosity about the things in life that are below the surface and often difficult to understand, or my appetite for big goals and pushing my own boundaries, or that compelling feeling of exhiliration that comes from finding out that you can do something you previously thought you could never do.

You see, just like with your work and personal goals, my goals would be really easy to achieve... if it weren’t for all the unpredictable obstacles that, frustratingly, keep cropping up. Wouldn’t it be nice if, for once, we could just go about creating what we want in our lives, without any interference or resistance - if all the difficult parts could be removed. I mean, imagine if it could be easy to run a marathon - no muscle cramping, no knee injuries, no blisters, no hills. Or if it could be really easy to get washboard abs without a tough exercise regime or a careful diet. Or if we could make our jobs easy by getting rid of all of the difficult and unpredictable things (like the prospects, the customers, our managers, our colleagues, our systems, our economy...) Wouldn’t your life be amazing then?

No, it wouldn’t be amazing at all. It would be just average. Because, if it was easy to run a marathon, everybody would. And if it could be easy to have washboard abs, then everybody would have washboard abs. And if there was a job that had no problems to solve, then anybody could do it. And if anybody could do it, then you’d be easily replaceable, and your skills, talents and abilities wouldn’t be recognised or valued highly. And that means that people won’t pay much for what you’re offering. The fact that your job or your personal goals are difficult and unpredictable works to your advantage. The greater the obstacles between you and the goals you’re going after, the more likely that other people pursuing those same goals will drop out, and the fewer competitors you’ll have. This gives you a greater chance of being the best at what you do. And those that are the best tend to enjoy significantly greater rewards for being at the top. As international marketing guru, Seth Godin says (in his book, “The Dip”), “Obstacles create scarcity and scarcity creates value.”

Ruben Gonzalez is a man who fully understood this principle. He’d always wanted to be an Olympic athlete. But he had a few significant obstacles in the way of his dream. For starters, he wasn’t a great athlete, and, at 21 years old, he hadn’t even chosen his sport yet. Not to be deterred, Gonzalez realised that, the tougher the sport, the fewer competitors he’d have, and the greater his chances of realising his Olympic dream. So Gonzalez researched the Olympic sports and chose the most grueling sport he could find, the sport with the greatest number of broken bones and the highest number of quitters. He settled on the luge - a winter sport that involves hurtling down an ice track on a sled, at 140km per hour. Just four years later, Gonzalez made it to the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics, and went on to become a “three-time Olympian”, competing in Albertville in 1992 and Salt Lake City in 2000.

So here’s some of the ideas I’ll be using to pull myself out from under the duvet and motivate myself to keep cracking on:

1. Ask yourself, “If this was easy, would I want it this much?” Part of the thrill of achieving big goals is in knowing that you faced and overcame hardships that most other people shy away from. The level of difficulty increases the level of fulfillment in achieving your goals. If you’re not that excited about your life and the things you’re investing time and energy in, perhaps it’s too easy. Set more challenging goals.

2. Increase your perceived value to others by setting stretch goals. If you’re doing what everyone else is doing, the way everyone else is doing it, then anybody can do it instead of you. Your manager, your customers, your friends, your lover will all value you more (and invest more time/ energy/ money to keep you around), if you’re offering something more remarkable than anybody else can offer them.

3. Hope for more and bigger obstacles. The next time you’re not sure how much longer you can go on, and you’re facing up to a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, remind yourself that your competitors are probably facing the same obstacles. The greater the obstacle, the more excited you should be. Because then the chances are greater that your competitors are dropping like flies... opening the way for you to get to the top, where the rewards are abundant.

What's your perspective on obstacles? What else do you do to sustain your energy, and to overcome obstacles?

How to learn anything, easily

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably very familiar with what I call “goal-setter’s remorse.” Just like with buyer’s remorse after a big purchase, doubt often sets in after the initial excitement when you set a big goal. Sure, you’ve thought it through rationally, you know it’s going to be a challenge but you’re setting out with positive expectancy and enthusiasm. I mean, “how hard can it really be?”

So you buy the shiny motorbike, sign up for riding lessons, and splurge on a sassy bike jacket. You arrive for your bike lessons, looking like a seasoned biker, and you can even talk some of the lingo. You’re thinking, “I’m a natural - this is going to be a breeze.” And then you get on a bike... It’s a lot heavier than expected and it won’t move when you try to push it. Maybe they have a smaller one. You look around. Nope, yours is the smallest. You wonder if maybe the brakes are on. So where are the brakes, then? Two levers up front at the handle bars, two at the foot pegs... maybe this thing has a hand-brake? You breathe a sigh of relief when the instructor comes around to explain the different levers - this should clear it up. As he explains the procedure for starting the bike and moving off, he’s pointing to all the different levers and all you’re hearing is “blah, blah, blah, blah.” He patiently explains it again and asks you to give it a go for yourself. You turn the bike on, and randomly pull at the different levers. You’re aware of the instructor shouting, but all you hear is “blah, blah, blah”, so you try tugging again and then remember to push down with your left foot. The bike shudders and jerks forward. You get a fright, scream and jump off, dropping the bike to the ground. That’s when “goal-setters remorse” starts to set in. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea...”

The remorse grows as you learn the basics of your new venture, and it slowly dawns on you that this is much more complicated than you expected - there’s a lot to learn. Now that you think about it, it’s almost overwhelming how much you’ll have to learn.

Five weeks down and you’re still clumsily fumbling through each of the basic skills. Surely you should have mastered them by now? You have to practice over and over again. You bounce between boredom and frustration. This is not the fun, freedom and exhilaration you had in mind when you decided to become a biker chick.

Sound familiar? It might be a new hobby, or it might be new responsibilities at work. It doesn’t matter what the new skills are that you’ve set out to learn, “goal-setters remorse” is a universal experience - especially when you set yourself challenging goals.

Educational psychologists have studied the way we learn and found that there are 4 stages of learning that we all go through when learning a new skill. When you understand what to expect at each learning stage, you’ll find that you feel more confident, enjoy the learning process, accelerate your learning, and get to your goal more quickly.

Stage 1: Ignorance is bliss. When you first sign up for bike lessons, decide to start your own online business, accept your new job, or set out to travel across the Atlantic in a hot air balloon, you don’t know what you don’t know. This is probably a good thing, because you might never have set that goal if you actually knew how much you’d have to learn! Even though ignorance is the basis for the feeling of elation and invincibility in this stage, it’s great to feel that way, and it gets us fired up to challenge ourselves and learn new things.

Stage 2: The truth hurts. All of the theoretical preparation and analysis in the world is often still not enough to prepare you for the actual experience of going after your goal. It’s often only once you start taking action that you’re able to get accurate feedback... and the gaping holes inyour business plan or hot air balloon start becoming obvious. Stage two starts the moment you start realising how much you don’t know. This can be a gut-wrenching and painful experience that feels particularly bad after the emotional high of stage 1. It takes courage to do an honest self-evaluation and to face up to less than complimentary feedback. But, as bad as it might feel, stage two is a crucial step forward that allows you to get clear on what you need to work on, to master your goal.

Stage 3: Practice makes perfect. These days it’s easy to find information and tips about learning just about any new skill. We move into stage 3 when we know what we need to do and we start taking action to master those specific new skills. Stage 3 is when you’ve found out how to create and manage that spreadsheet that tracks your team’s productivity against their targets and, if you think it through carefully, you can do it. It’s hard work and slow-going, and you might have to break the skill down into smaller mini-skills and steps, but you’re getting there. There’s no short cut or “quick fix” to get to your goal of doing the skill easily and effortlessly. This is where most people drop out, because they lack patience and determination. Which means that it’s easy for you to get ahead, if you just stick at it.

Stage 4: Easy does it. With repetition and practice, practice, practice, those new skills eventually become easy, natural and even automatic. Stage 4 is what we had in mind when we set our goal and imagined getting it. We feel competent and confident and all that hard work not only seems worthwhile, but it has the effect of inflating our sense of accomplishment. We sigh in relief and consider getting out our super-hero suits again.
The fact that you can read this means that you already know how to progress through the stages of learning. You’ve used this model to learn ever since you were born. You learned how to walk, talk, eat and many other much more sophisticated skills - all without even attending any conferences or training programs!

And the best part about the stages of learning is that you can use the model itself to get better at using the model. Everytime you learn something new, you get better at learning, and you’ll find that you get more and more comfortable with stages 2 and 3, until you find every stage enjoyable in itself.

When you love learning, you can probably learn anything. And then your potential is limitless. Eartha Kitt said, “I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.”

Basic Instinct? (written Mar 2008)

Do you remember that time when, as a young child, you came across an abandoned baby animal, and brought it home, asking your parents, “Can I keep it?” It might have been a little baby mouse or a tiny stray kitten, or maybe it was a baby bird with a slightly broken wing. Whatever the little creature was, it was small and vulnerable and you decided immediately that you’d rescue it and devote yourself to feeding and nurturing it to full strength and maturity.

Mine was a little baby bird that was teetering around in our back garden one afternoon. We looked everywhere for the mother bird, or at least a nest, but we found no sign of it’s maternal protector. In spite of advice from the adults that the bird had a better chance of survival if we left him in the garden, we became absorbed with the little bird’s needs, from food to shelter, warmth and comfort. We brought him inside and made a little bed out of tissues and fed him pronutro cereal. It turns out that our parenting skills left a lot to be desired and I was devastated when we found the little guy on his back with his feet in the air a few days later.

The adults were right - we should have left him where we found him. What we didn’t understand at the time was that, unlike humans, many animals are born with something called instinct. Instinct is pre-programmed knowledge of essential things like what to eat and what not to eat, and how to find food, get warm, hide from predators, and run from smoke or fire. So there probably was a better chance our little bird would have survived if we’d left him out in the garden, because of instinct.

Humans aren’t born with this sort of instinct. We’re born totally dependent on the adults of our species for survival. We need the adults to tell us what we can and can’t put in our mouths and what is and isn’t safe to do. We need them to teach us not to touch hot things or stick our fingers in dangerous places or pull the grumpy cat’s fur. Think about it - for the first few years of our lives, our survival depends on the care and guidance of the adults of our species. We basically just observe intensely and soak up everything we see, hear and experience. We don’t really have the cognitive capacity, skills, experience or knowledge to challenge the ideas that are being modeled to us. Psychologists believe that it’s only around the age of 6 or 7 years that a child‘s ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality is fully developed. So, in our early years, we tend to take everything adults say literally, and often don’t realise that the well-meaning adults might be using metaphors or giving us a context-specific rule.We don’t realise that the adults themselves might sometimes be speaking from a place of ignorance, fear, anger or misperception, so we accept everything they say.

As a result, we often form limiting beliefs that endure as we mature into adulthood, and act as a lid on our potential. Because these beliefs were formed whilst we were still too young to know any better, and before we had developed all the knowledge and skills that we have now, they’re often based on faulty, inaccurate information or generalisations, yet they continue to have enormous power over the way we feel and behave. Think about the “catch phrases” you grew up on. You may have heard some of these, and more:

“Money doesn’t grow on trees”
“You’re the older brother, so you should know better and be more responsible”
“You can’t have everything you want”
“Don’t be selfish”
“After play-play comes cry-cry”
“You have to work hard for the good things in life”
“Big boys don’t cry...”

What impact have these sorts of phrases had on your current outlook on life, and what you believe is possible for yourself? If you want to clean out your limiting beliefs and lift the lid on your potential, here are a few steps to follow:

1. Start a dream list: Start keeping a list of things you’d love to be, have and do in your lifetime, if you had all the necessary money, time, skills and support.
2. Identify your limiting beliefs: As you write your dream list, become aware of your self-talk. If you notice anything along the lines of, “Yeah right, you’ll never be able to do that...” then write this down on another piece of paper titled “limiting beliefs.” Read through the list and just smile and say, “Isn’t that interesting?
3. Decide what you want to believe: Read through your dream list again and ask yourself, “What would I believe if all of these things became a reality?” Write down these beliefs.
4. Start thinking like you’ll think when you’ve achieved your goals: Your current thinking is what’s creating your current results. If you want to change your results, you’re going to have to change your thinking - especially your limiting beliefs. Your old, limiting beliefs were formed through repeated exposure to limiting ideas. If you want to add new beliefs, use the same method. Read your list of new beliefs everyday, until they become as natural and automatic as your old beliefs were.

As humans, we might not be born with the same type of survival instinct as animals are, but this doesn’t mean our minds are inferior. Animals’ minds are like calculators - they arrive in the world with a pre-programmed set of functions or thinking patterns, and they leave with the same. Our minds are like computers - we can upgrade the “software” and continuously improve our thinking and the results we create. When last did you upgrade your software?

Who's the King of the Jungle? (Written Feb 2008)

I remember one of my favourite holidays with my family as a child. We drove up to to the Etosha National Park in Namibia for a week or so of game viewing. Now safaris aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but as an 11 year old, I’d only ever seen wild animals in cages at the zoo, so the challenge of spotting animals in the bushes and identifying them in our field book was very appealing.

I’ll never forget the first animal we saw - we went crazy with excitement. As we drove into the park gates, there, just on the side of the road was a Springbok, standing gracefully and staring at us. We all jumped up, pointing, yelling, fighting for the window seats, and taking loads of photos. Us kids were proud because we all knew it was a Springbok. And I thought, “this is the best holiday ever!”

After a little while, we drove on and just a few kilometres down the road we came across some more Springboks - this time a whole group of them. We slowed down and watched them for a few minutes. And then we drove on a bit further and what do you think we saw? More Springboks! This time we didn’t stop.

Within about an hour, we went from being absolutely manic with excitement about the Springboks to driving straight past them, barely noticing them. They were everywhere. They weren’t exciting anymore. They were boring. We no longer looked for Springboks. In fact, we often didn’t even notice them. Springboks became invisible. What we really wanted to see was the BIG 5. They’re much less common than Springboks and zebras and giraffe. They’re special because they’re rare and remarkable.

We all want what’s rare and remarkable. And we’re all willing to pay more for anything that’s rare and remarkable. This is why, in whatever industry you’re in, if you want to be successful and you want to increase your company profits and personal income, you need to be rare and remarkable like the Big 5.

The BPO/ contact centre industry is one of the fastest growing industries in South Africa. In 2007, Calling the Cape reported that there were over 200 contact centres in the Cape, with over 22 000 people working in the contact centre industry. The outsourcing industry worldwide has also grown rapidly. Indian contact centres employ over 120 000 people. In the USA, there are currently over 50 000 contact centres, employing over 2.8 million people. In Canada, over 200 000 people work in the contact centre industry. Australia has over 3900 contact centres employing over 225 000 people. In the UK, the contact centre industry employes over 1 million people. In such a crowded market, what makes your company rare and remarkable like the Big 5? And what makes you the lion amongst other employees?

If you’re someone who wants to ensure that you never have to worry about having a job, or if you’re the sort of person who wants to make sure that you get every promotional and growth opportunity that you ever want, and if you want to increase your income and create the freedom to live the lifestyle you want, then here are some tips to ensure that you’re the king of the jungle:

Think like an entrepreneur. One of the biggest misnomers these days is the term “permanent employee”. With the high rate of change in our world today, no job ever has the guarantee that it’ll be permanent. If you’re an employee, realise that someone else is paying you to work for yourself. And we’ll all willingly pay more for something that is rare and remarkable. So make sure you stand out from the rest and you’ll never have a problem getting that salary increase or promotion you’re asking for.

Identify your strengths. Know what your unique selling point is... and then focus on that. It might seem counter-intuitive, but accelerated success comes from focusing more on your strengths than your weaknesses. Whatever you do well, whatever gets you the results - focus on doing more of that.

Commit to lifelong learning. Set goals and create a plan for continuously improving your skills, knowledge and attitudes on a daily basis. What do you read? What courses are you putting yourself through? What new skill or hobby are you learning? When your competitors find out what you’re doing that pleases your employer and your customers so much, they’ll start doing it too. And then you’re not rare and remarkable anymore... unless you’re committed to lifelong learning and improvement, and you can continuously reinvent yourself. Be the leader and stay ahead of your followers by being committed to continuous improvement.

Always do and be more than is expected of you. Whatever goals your manager sets for you, set your own goals, and set them higher. Find ways to add value in everything you do.

And finally, remember that,
“The leader is the leader because they did something remarkable.” So go and be remarkable.

Re-view 2007, Pre-view 2008 (Written Jan 2008)

Well, 1 January 2008 is only several days history and many people have already broken, discarded or forgotten their new year’s resolutions by now.

One of the main reasons why new years resolutions have notoriously poor results is that most people decide on new years wishes, rather than goals, and they leave out some of the most important steps in the goal setting process.

Wishes or “dream lists” are an important part of getting in touch with your imagination and generating exciting ideas for goals, but they lack the strong foundations of an honest review of your current situation, and the clear blue prints for action that are created when you follow the goal setting process. As a result, new years wishes fall away as soon as the smallest obstacle challenges your motivation.

Goal setting is all about getting from where you are to where you want to be. In order to create the plan to get from where you are to where you want to be, you need to start with evaluating where you are in each area of your life right now.

An accurate evaluation of your reality is the foundation for a realistic and achievable goal plan. Unfortunately, because of habitual thinking patterns that act as filters, our perception often differs from our reality. Sometimes the information we delete when we evaluate ourselves is the positive information about the awesome things we’ve accomplished, the great ideas we’ve had, the positive feedback we’ve received, and the difficulties we’ve survived. Filtering out positive feedback results in a lack of confidence, smaller goals, and feeling more fearful.

The other type of information that is often deleted is the negative feedback we’re getting, signs that what we’re doing is not working, or that an obstacle or threat exists. It’s said that humans have two main fears, from which all other fears are derived - fear of rejection and fear of failure. We’re programmed to avoid the pain of rejection or failure, and one way of avoiding that pain (at least temporarily) is by filtering our perception of reality and seeing only what we want to see. It’s the good old “ostrich-with-his-head-in-the-sand” syndrome, where he tells himself, “If I can’t see it, it’s not there.” As the picture above illustrates, this can be a very dangerous strategy!

It’s only when we have the courage to evaluate ourselves and our results accurately, including both the positive and negative feedback, that we give ourselves the opportunity to learn, to adapt and to improve, and to approach the existing challenges, obstacles and threats with confidence and resourcefulness.

John Maxwell, in his book, “Failing Forward”, says that the main difference between average people and highly successful people is their perception of and response to failure. Most people fear failure and respond by blaming others, repeating the same mistakes, being limited by past mistakes, saying to themselves, “I am a failure”, quitting and then either expecting to always fail or holding onto the delusion that they’ll never fail again.

People who are successful view failure as crucial feedback in their progress towards their goal. As a result, they watch and listen well, they actively seek feedback, and they get more accurate information about what’s working and what’s not working. Using all this feedback, they learn and improve with every mistake, they’re able to maintain a positive attitude when something hasn’t worked out as well as they’d hoped, they continue to have the courage to take new risks and to persevere, and they accept that failure is a normal part of any progress and don’t let setbacks shake their self-worth or their belief in their vision. Successful people believe that there’s no such thing as failure - there’s only feedback. Leverage the feedback and you’ll increase your success.

So this year, skip the new years resolutions and choose to set goals instead. Start with reviewing 2007, and then have the audacity to pre-view 2008’s forthcoming attractions as follows:

1. Brainstorm what went well for you in 2007. What worked well? What positive results did you create? What are you especially proud of? What did you learn or master in 2007? What are you feeling really grateful for?
2. Brainstorm what didn’t work so well in 2007. What negative feedback or results did you notice? What are you not feeling good about? What are you worried about? What do you want to leave behind in 2008?
3. Brainstorm your dreams and desires for each area of your life. What would you like to change? What do you want to have, do or be in 2008? What ideas get you really excited?
4. Create a list of goals for 2008. Drawing on list 3, decide which are your most important changes to make and what you think you can realistically tackle this year. Then write specific goals with deadlines, create a clear plan to achieve each of those goals, and start taking action. Happy 2008!

Spring into action! (written Oct 2007)

It’s October already, the weather is warming up and Spring is well under way.

When I think of Spring, it conjures up images of cool sunshine, bright yellow daffodils, tiny pink newborn babies, soft white bunnies, skipping lambs, fresh blue skies, birds chirping happily, new growth sprouting through the warm, moist soil, spring cleaning and freshening up my home, and generally warming up, opening up, unfurling and creating new beginnings. And although it’s October already, you’ve got just enough time before the Christmas decorations need to be unpacked, to leave behind the old and what’s no longer useful in your life & create the new beginnings you desire.

A few weeks ago, I watched a fascinating TV show called “Make My Family Over”. A family who were into rock bands and goth culture were living in a cramped house that was untidy, cluttered and in disrepair. They’d become so swept up in life’s daily demands that the parents had never gotten around to having the wedding they’d always wanted, one of the teenage children was still sleeping on the lounge couch, and they lived in total chaos. Their goth band practice took place in the kitchen, the living area was “decorated” with skeletons and a coffin, and the two family vehicles were broken down and rusted. The parents had worn their long hair dyed black for as long as they could remember and all of their friends agreed that it was time for a new look.

The family were given the opportunity to start over completely. Their home was renovated and decorated throughout, including the addition of a fully equipped sound recording studio and a swimming pool. Both family cars were pimped inside and out, and each of the family members were given a complete personal makeover. It all culminated in a dream wedding and party for family and friends, and of course everyone was thrilled and crying with joy.

There are lots of these sorts of extreme makeover shows, and we love watching them. We all want new beginnings and opportunities to start over and leave the burdens, clutter and overwhelm behind. We won’t all get the opportunity to go on an extreme makeover show, but we can all have fresh starts in life. But fresh starts don't happen automatically. You have to create fresh starts. And if you want to be focused on your fresh start goals, you need to remove distractions by completing unfinished business, cleaning out the unnecessary garbage and leaving behind the disappointments of the past.

The Zagarnic Effect is a theory that explains that, when we have unfinished business, it continues to hold some of our attention, and this may prevent us from giving our full attention to what we really want in life. The Zagarnic Effect was demonstrated in a study in which two groups were given puzzles to solve. The first group was given an easy puzzle that they were all able to solve. The second group were given a more difficult puzzle that couldn’t be solved within the time limit. Both groups were contacted some years later and asked about the puzzle. The people who had been in the group that didn’t solve their puzzle still remembered what the problem was about, but the people in the group that solved their puzzle had forgotten what their puzzle was about. Whilst an issue remains unsolved, our unconscious mind remains committed to remembering it and attempting to resolve it. It’s only when we complete or resolve the issue that our full attention is available to be focused on our goals for the future.

Neither failure nor success is ever final. Failure can always be left behind and success needs to be renewed everyday. If there's anything new you want in your life, you've got to make room for it – both physically and emotionally. If you want to improve your look, start with clearing out your cupboards and giving away clothes you haven't worn in a long time. If you want to embark on a new focus at work, clear your workspace and complete the old tasks you've been procrastinating. If you want new relationships in your life, start by cleaning up your relationship messes and letting go of the old disappointments and pain.

Make a list of “unfinished business” that may be siphoning energy away from what you want to be focusing on. Then take Jack Canfield’s advice (“25 Principles of Success”) and make the decision to either “do it”, “delegate it” or “dump it” to make space for the new experiences, opportunities, perspectives and relationships you want instead.